Hey everyone! Due to the social distancing nature of the current coronavirus outbreak cancelling real sports for the time being, we here at Reel Heels held a tournament to determine the greatest television character of all time! We chose 64 characters, with a maximum of 2 characters per show, and seeded those characters into four regions. Then Jason and I voted on each matchup, along with a random impartial coin. So there will be writeups for all four regionals (Albuquerque, Seattle, North Caldwell, Springfield), followed by one for the Final Four, where we crown our winner! So let’s get to it with our Albuquerque regional!
1st Round
1 seed: Walter White (Breaking Bad) vs. 16 seed: Winston Schmidt (New Girl)
Our first matchup of the Albuquerque regional pits our 16 seed, Schmidt (played by Max Greenfield), everyone’s favorite self-obsessed character on New Girl, against the #1 overall seed, Walter White (played by Bryan Cranston). Of course it’s going to be a tough task for any 16 seed to win, but this matchup in particular is just a devastating matchup for Schmidt, who has to contribute another donation to the douchebag jar on his way out. Walt takes this one, as the #1 overall seed should.
Walt wins 2-1
8 seed: Arya Stark (Game of Thrones) vs. 9 seed: Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill (Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul)
Two characters from the biggest television universes in the past decade who have a knack for surviving when the odds are against them. The eight seed is Maisie Williams’ Arya Stark, a character who defies expectations by becoming a faceless assassin and all around badass in the land of Westeros, and she faces a very tough nine seed in Bob Odenkirk’s Saul Goodman aka Jimmy McGill, a lawyer who caters specifically to the criminal element in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Saul began his journey on Breaking Bad, but because such a fan favorite that he headlines his own spinoff that is in many ways just as good as its Hall of Fame predecessor. And while Arya may have been able to take out some big time enemies on Game of Thrones, Saul proves once again too slippery to be taken down, as he advances here.
Saul wins 3-0
5 seed: Bojack Horseman (Bojack Horseman) vs. 12 seed: Spongebob Squarepants (Spongebob Squarepants)
While these two characters might both be animated, they couldn’t be more different. Spongebob (voiced by Tom Kenny) is an optimistic, naive fry cook from Bikini Bottom who caters to children of all ages along with his group of friends, while Bojack (voiced by Will Arnett) is a washed up television star with a multitude of problems, including depression and addiction, who is just trying to figure out how to live his life now that his superstar days are behind him. This is a very tough one, and while there is no denying the global phenomenon that Spongebob is, the emotional depth of Bojack is enough to move him to the next round.
Bojack wins 2-1
4 seed: Mary Richards (The Mary Tyler Moore Show) vs. 13 seed: Mike Erhmantraut (Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul)
This is an interesting matchup largely due to the difference of styles of these characters and shows. Mary Richards (played by one of the legends of television Mary Tyler Moore) is an independent woman making it on her own as she works for a television news show in Minneapolis. Mike Erhmantraut (played by Jonathan Banks) on the other hand is a former police officer now in the employ of drug dealers as a fixer for whatever problems arise. Mike’s gruffness would probably make him a friend of Mary’s boss Lou Grant, but Mary’s spunk is enough for her to advance to the next round.
Mary wins 2-1
6 seed: Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad) vs. 11 seed: Dr. John “JD” Dorian (Scrubs)
Our final character from the Breaking Bad universe is six seed Jesse Pinkman (played by Aaron Paul), a burnout who becomes right hand man to the one they call Heisenberg and the moral center of the show (Pinkman was popular enough to be the lead of the follow up movie El Camino on Netflix). On the flip side, we have JD (played by Zach Braff), the nerdy yet charming doctor who can’t escape his own fantasties on Scrubs. These two would probably have fascinating discussions about their interesting relationships with their genius (in their own way) mentors, and while JD has some great things going for him, it isn’t enough to overtake Jesse here. He’ll always have Turk though.
Jesse wins 3-0
3 seed: Don Draper (Mad Men) vs. 14 seed: Rustin “Rust” Cohle (True Detective)
This is a battle of two dramatic heavyweights, despite the seemingly huge gap based on seeding. Rust Cohle (as played by Matthew McConaughey) is largely seeded so low because his character was only on the first season of True Detective (due to the anthology nature of the series), but this nihilistic detective is the true definition of a one and done freshman phenom. Don Draper (Jon Hamm) is a character who stuck around for many seasons, stunning viewers with an in-depth dive into this advertising executive in the 1960’s. This is just a bad draw for Rust, and since we only had the one season to get to know him, he comes up short against Draper.
Don wins 3-0
7 seed: Al Swearengen (Deadwood) vs. 10 seed: Peggy Olson (Mad Men)
A battle of characters from two of the most popular period prestige dramas of the 21st century. There’s Peggy Olson (played by Elisabeth Moss), a woman trying to make it in a male dominated industry in the 1960’s by rising from secretary to copy writer and beyond. Then there is Al Swearengen (Ian McShane), a saloon owner with a penchant for swearing, whoring, drinking, violence, and a multitude of other vices that is also somehow possibly the most honorable man in all of Deadwood. Despite the final score, this wasn’t an easy decision to reach, but Al lives to fight another day.
Al wins 3-0
2 seed: George Costanza (Seinfeld) vs. 15 seed Dean Craig Pelton (Community)
This matchup features two iconic characters from NBC “Must See TV” sitcoms, though our two seed does benefit from being in the heyday of that programming block. George Costanza (Jason Alexander, who also appeared in an episode of Community) is the neurotic, habitually-lying best friend of Jerry on Seinfeld. Dean Pelton (Jim Rash) is the cross-dressing pansexual dean of Greendale Community College. So you can tell there are definitely some wildly hilarious moments that both are responsible for. However, seeing as only one can advance here, we must bid adieu to Dean Pelton as George moves on.
George wins 2-1
2nd Round
1 seed: Walter White vs. 9 seed: Saul Goodman
Walt is paired up with his lawyer Saul here, as fate brought the two leads of this universe together in the second round. Strangely, due to the nature of the spinoff, we have actually spent more time with Saul than we did with Walt, learning all about Saul’s life before he met the chemistry teacher turned kingpin. Sadly for Saul, his connection to his brother and his struggles to rise among the ranks of Albuquerque’s finest legal minds is not enough to overtake his most notorious client. Walt moves on yet again.
Walt wins 2-1
4 seed: Mary Richards vs. 5 seed: Bojack Horseman
While on paper this is a very different matchup, these two have more in common than it would appear. Bojack has challenged what a television comedy could be, especially an animated one, by dealing with some very challenging subject matter, like alcoholism, depression, infidelity, existentialism, and more. Meanwhile, Mary challenged gender norms and was a pioneer for women in television comedy, paving the way for any number of characters who have come after her. In the end, Mary’s experience gives her the edge and she moves on in a close contest.
Mary wins 2-1
3 seed: Don Draper vs. 6 seed: Jesse Pinkman
Two heavyweights from the two shows that put AMC on the map when it comes to original programming. Don is ostensibly the main character on his show and provides thoughtful insight to his world and problems, as we see a broken man become more broken as he seemingly gets everything he could want professionally. Jesse has some experience in that arena as well, yet his situation makes him more sympathetic as the show progresses and his circumstances worsen. This was a nail biter where you couldn’t go wrong with either winner, but Jesse is able to edge out Don at the buzzer to advance.
Jesse wins 2-1
2 seed: George Costanza vs. 7 seed: Al Swearengen
This is a major clash of styles here, as George is much more about doing without thinking, while Al is a calculating man who always tries to figure out every possible angle to his plans. Strangely, I think they would get along if they ever actually came face to face as Al is friends with all sorts of half-truthers and George can play dirty like the rest of them. Ultimately, George is just a stronger opponent than Al, but both are pretty amazing characters.
George wins 3-0
Sweet 16
1 seed: Walter White vs. 4 seed: Mary Richards
The sweet sixteen sees a matchup between one of the strongest and most influential comedic characters in television history and one of the most captivating, edge of your seat dramatic characters of the 21st century, so needless to say there is a major difference in styles here. And while there is no denying that Mary is a fantastic character with many strengths, she is a key player in a very deep roster of talent while Walt is the no doubt head and shoulders main character on his show that makes every storyline react to his actions. So it’s here that Mary’s journey in this bracket ends, but there is no shame in a loss here.
Walt wins 2-1
2 seed: George Costanza vs. 6 seed: Jesse Pinkman
These two characters don’t share much in common outside of an affinity for science related shenanigans. For Jesse, that involves the chemistry in cooking crystal meth and using various scientific ways to escape certain death. For George, it’s lying about being a marine biologist and being put in a situation where you have to save a beached whale thanks to that lie. As for the actual matchup at hand, Jesse has been able to make it pretty far as a non-top four seed, but after his upset in the last round, he isn’t able to defeat George here and make it to an all-Breaking Bad Elite Eight.
George wins 2-1
Elite 8
1 seed: Walter White vs. 2 seed: George Costanza
This is a heavyweight battle, no doubt about it. One of the strongest comedic characters in history facing off with a dramatic icon. In a fun bit of cosmic irony, Bryan Cranston faces off with a character who he would know pretty well, seeing as he appeared on Seinfeld multiple times as the dentist Tim Whatley in his early career. George would certainly be able to defeat Whatley, but I’m not so sure he would be able to take down the man who knocks. And so, in a fitting end for George, who can never seem to catch a break on Seinfeld, he comes up just short of an appearance in the Final Four as Walt moves on. Hopefully George can find serenity now, though this is a contest he won’t win.
Walt wins 3-0. Walt is the Albuquerque Regional Champion
So, there you have it, our Albuquerque Regional. Check out the three other regions, and be looking for the Final Four tomorrow!